Things You Can Do on Your First Day of Work to Make Your New Boss Question Why They Hired You

  1. Set out a row of Barbie dolls on your desk as decoration
  2. Wear shoulder pads - 80s style
  3. Keep spitting into a cup on your desk
  4. Constantly ask if you can use the fax machine because you 'really gotta send a message to your doctor'
  5. Wear roller skates only to move from your desk to the bathroom
  6. Wear sunglasses indoors all day
  7. Mention that you were born with a tail way too often
  8. Ask some of the following questions:
  9. What's Google?
  10. How do I turn this computer on?
  11. Can you show me what sexual harassment looks like?
  12. Do you work out?
  13. Can you sharpen my pencil for me with this knife that just happens o be covered in blood?
  14. Why did you hire me?
  15. Also,
  16. Bring a cat on a leash - but not your own cat
  17. Only talk in whispers
  18. But shout a lot when you are in the bathroom or break area
  19. Develop a twitch
  20. Sing 9 to 5 every hour on the hour no matter where you are
  21. Talk about all the jobs you've been fired from in the last year
  22. Fart as much as possible