The one thing my BA in literature qualifies me for is writing this list.
  1. William Faulkner
    Did his publisher dock him a percentage of royalties for every period he used or what? More importantly, fuck A Rose for Emily!
  2. John Steinbeck
    Why are we, as a society, still giving so much exposure to a man who pretty definitely would have been some kind of baby-murdering serial killer if he hadn't been a novelist?
  3. The Brontës
    They were a) far less feminist than they're made out to be; & b) super fucked up (WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE BRONTËS). If we're going to keep studying them, we need to at least acknowledge that.
  4. James Joyce
    Learn how to use quotation marks, James! Also, has anyone considered that maybe Ulysses, rather than being 'incredibly dense', is just a bunch of pretentious gibberish? A book that takes years of intense study to understand is frankly just not worth it. At the very least, your book should be accessible to academics. If even they have trouble understanding it, you may be a genius, but you're also a bad writer. Clarity trumps pretension.
  5. Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Okay, yes, he influenced a ton of people, but if I could offer a counterargument: Shut up, Ralph!
  6. J.D. Salinger
    @jessee put this better than I could: (see #6)
  7. Joseph Conrad
    We need to stop using the "he's separate from the narrator" excuse to justify blatantly racist literature
    Suggested by @aprilgrace