REASONS 'HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE' IS ONE OF THE WEIRDEST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN

The book is weird but the movie is SO MUCH WEIRDER
  1. First and foremost, Harry almost kills Malfoy and is immediately caught by Snape, and yet there are NO consequences for this. AT ALL. As far as the film tells us, Snape heals Malfoy and then he and Malfoy promptly forget about the whole incident.
  2. Lily gave Slughorn a magical fish only maybe she was the fish only maybe she wasn’t? Maybe Slughorn was in love with her even though she was his student and that would have been wildly inappropriate? Who knows? Who cares? Here’s a memory!
  3. Dumbledore drops Harry off in a swamp like half a mile from The Burrow without giving the Weasleys ANY warning, even though Harry staying with them puts them all in danger??
  4. At the beginning of the film, Death Eaters destroy a bridge (though miraculously all the Muggles seem to survive). We then find Harry hitting on a waitress in a cafe. So to recap: Voldemort and his followers are destroying the world, and Harry’s decided the best use of his time is to hit on random girls.
  5. Halfway through the film, The Burrow burns down. This is never mentioned or even alluded to ever again.
  6. Mr. Weasley discovers early on that Malfoy is interested in Borgin & Burke’s Vanishing Cabinet (mysteries? ambiguity? subtle foreshadowing? HP films don’t have time for that shit!), but doesn’t confiscate it for reasons that are never explained. This massive oversight eventually leads to Death Eaters infiltrating Hogwarts.
  7. The entire film is SO DARK. Like The Burrow is engulfed in flame and somehow it’s STILL dark. Sometimes I shower in the dark and I can literally see more of my shower than I can see in most of this film.
  8. Again: Harry nearly MURDERS Malfoy in a school bathroom and Snape and Malfoy JUST DON’T CARE.
  9. Snape takes time out from fleeing a murder scene to stop and tell Harry he’s the Half-Blood Prince for seemingly no reason. He’s not highly emotional and goaded into it like in the book. It’s like he just thinks Harry might like to know.
    It’s like Steve Kloves got through the whole script and then was like, ‘Crap! I forgot to put in a line that explains the title!’ and hastily scribbled it in.
  10. In the last scene, the Trio is on the Astronomy tower, but Ron is sitting alone, apart from Harry and Hermione, who talk about him like he’s not there. As far as I know, this completely bizarre blocking choice has NEVER been explained.
  11. It honestly feels like the whole film was made by people who were constantly high.
    Speaking of high, this film is mostly nonsensical but credit where credit is due, Felix!Harry is a GIFT TO US ALL.