ALL THE TIMES CAPTAIN AMERICA HAS GONE COMPLETELY INSANE
Sure, we're all stoked about that 'Civil War' trailer. But boy has Cap gone way off his rocker throughout his character's history...
- •When he challenged Thor.Most viewers agreed that when Thor swung his hammer at Mr. Squishy Ordinary Human Captain America in the Avengers movie, he shouldn't have expected him to live. You can tell Steve Rogers got lucky entirely because Thor didn't show up to the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier misted in human remains: http://goo.gl/w5kHD0
- •When he punched drugs.Captain America seems like a perfect "Don't do drugs" spokesman until you remember that it was getting shot up with a "super soldier serum" that let him gain muscles the size of basketballs and become a superhero. And when the Barry Bonds of superheroes starred in an after school special-style comics storyline, he decided he could defeat the personification of heroin + cocaine by throwing a shield at it: http://goo.gl/Ljt1gD
- •When he bailed on America.Yep, for a while Captain America ditched his name, costume and shield and became ... another obscure Marvel character no one cares about, basically. It all began right in the middle of Marvel Comics' version of the Watergate scandal, in which President Nixon is found out to be a supervillain and blows his brains out in front of Captain America. Cap is so shocked and disillusioned that he tosses his costume and quits patriotism to become "Nomad": http://goo.gl/Xs70e1
- •When he did meth.Captain Hypocrite takes the fight against drugs to the streets, where he stumbles into a meth lab. Because Cap's primary battle tactic is bashing things, and because meth labs are insanely volatile and dangerous, the whole place explodes, filling the air and/or dousing tiny sharp objects with all the horrible things meth is made of. Somehow, the drug binds itself to the serum in his blood, turning him into a full-blown addict: http://goo.gl/9ZXjIj
- •When he starred in a '90s B movie.In this version of the story, Red Skull is Italian for some reason and was kidnapped as a child by Nazis, because that's just how they do shit, and Captain America has flappy rubber wings on his mask for ears: http://goo.gl/M4jFas