DELETED SCENES THAT WOULD'VE ENDED SUPERHERO FRANCHISES
Even movies about superheroes, which are intrinsically ridiculous, can film scenes that are simply too stupid to exist. They are wisely removed before the film's release, but thanks to the cutting-edge technology of home video, we can now view them as delightful and horror inducing bonus features... (click for full article) http://goo.gl/wsGJDQ
- •X-Men: First Class -- Professor X Puts Magneto In A DressXavier is one of the most powerful telepaths in the universe -- he can read and control minds, hypnotize people, cast illusions, and screw with memories. How does he show off this amazing, literally mind-blowing ability? He makes Magneto look like a cocktail waitress.
- •Batman Returns Almost Opened With A Giant Ad For A Batman Toy StoreBatman Returns may have been Tim Burton's baby, but one planned scene was decidedly Schumacherian. In the beginning of the movie, audiences were going to be treated to the sight of a department store filled with nothing but corny Batman merchandise, all inspired by the Dark Knight's deeds in the previous film.
- •Iron Man -- Tony Stark's Ghostface Killah Sex PartyIn the final version of the movie, Stark flies to Afghanistan to save some villagers. But before that, it was originally planned that he'd indulge his playboy side by throwing a party in Dubai, where he'd run into ... the Wu-Tang Clan's Ghostface Killah, whose other nomme de rap is "Tony Starks."
- •Batman Forever -- Bruce Wayne's Amnesia Is Cured By A Giant Bat PuppetIn perhaps the stupidest form of Hollywood amnesia (which is saying a lot), Batman remembers everything about his life as Bruce Wayne, but completely forgets all the Batman stuff. This prompts Alfred to lecture Bruce on how he needs to face his fears if he ever wants to be the superhero he doesn't remember being ever again.
- •The Incredible Hulk -- Bruce Banner Threatens A Bunch Of Sorority GirlsBanner, warns them, "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Understand that at this point in the movie, he had not yet uttered that iconic line, which generally precedes him turning into the Hulk and murdering everything in the state. But in this situation, it sounds every bit as badass as announcing you're in a sex offender registry. The girls call him a pervert and slam the door in his face, which is honestly the only believable part of this entire sequence.
- •Superman II -- Superman Uses His Powers To Make A SouffleIt appears that Superman and Lois Lane have gone to the Fortress of Solitude for some Betamax and chill. Superman looks at Lois and confesses, "I've never done this before." But Lois reassures him, "Don't worry, you're going to be fine," before adding, "just, uh ... don't rush it." Once everyone in the audience has grown sufficiently damp with eroticism, the camera pulls back to reveal that they weren't talking about inter-mortality sex! Lois is merely teaching Superman how to make a souffle!
- •The Amazing Spider-Man Almost Turned The Lizard Into A Sexual PredatorIn the finished film, the villainous Lizard invades Peter Parker's high school through the bathroom, and he and Parker proceed to have an education-destroying fight that wrecks the school. But originally, Lizard was going to specifically make his entrance through the girls' bathroom. For some bizarre reason, two girls are in the same stall, yakking away about teenage gossip, because these movies are written by antisocial men.