If you're a scientist, being able to announce a major new scientific discovery must be better than winning the lottery. So it makes sense that some of them might rush an amazing discovery to the papers before they check it properly -- which can lead to some hilarious results. (Click For Full) http://goo.gl/xV7CDB
  1. A Mysterious Newly Discovered Fungus Is ... A Sex Toy
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    It must have been pretty exciting when a few Chinese villagers stumbled upon an unusual and unknown kind of fungus when drilling a new well. Their discovery managed to get them on Xi'an TV, spreading their fame across China and, eventually, the internet -- where thousands of people pointed out that the rare new mushroom they found was, in fact, a male sex toy.
  2. The Study About Ecstasy And Brain Damage Is ... Actually About Tons Of Meth
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    In 2002, a surprising study from Dr. George Ricaurte was published in Science magazine about the effects of a normal dose of ecstasy (MDMA) on primates; namely, it fucked those monkeys up backwards, causing permanent brain damage and even death. The government used those studies as part of a campaign against ecstasy. A year later, however, the study was retracted, when it was discovered that instead of a normal dose of ecstasy, the primates had been injected with a metric fuckton of meth.
  3. A Mystery Plant Found On A Biological Preserve Is ... A Poop Tomato
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    See, plants do not tend to spontaneously appear on new islands; they're brought over by one means or another, which explains why more plants appeared when birds started nesting on Surtsey in the 1980s. So seeing a plant like that suddenly appear would shake the foundation of plant science. They sent for an expert, Agust Bjarnason, to study the plant and determine how it formed. When he arrived, it didn't take him long to discover the source: The plant was growing out of a pile human poop.
  4. Enigmatic Rock Carvings Are ... Just Graffiti
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    The stone had been uncovered after stormy weather and high tides washed away the sand that was covering it. The discovery was celebrated by the local newspaper, the Great Yarmouth Mercury, as archaeologists set out to determine who could have made these carvings. Shortly after, an out-of-work construction worker named Barry Luxton contacted the Norfolk city council, as he knew who had made the carvings. It was, uh ... him, actually. He did it.
  5. An Ancient Jerusalem Artifact ... Is Actually A New Age Healing Device
    Experts were utterly baffled by this double-ended bowling pin, and spent six months (and plenty of taxpayer dollars, presumably) trying to determine the origin of the object. Without any leads left to go on, they eventually said fuck it and posted pictures of the object on Facebook, hoping that the public could give them some answers. In a movie-esque twist, one of the users did in fact recognize the object... from an online New Age store.