Erotic Tales About Politicians (That'll Destroy Your Mind)
Politics and sex go together like genitals and belt sanders -- horribly, yet morbidly fascinating for all those around you. With that in mind, we tracked down the most mind-blowing pieces of political erotica (politirotica?) so we could all share in the experience of trying to understand why it exists. (click for full) http://goo.gl/8wQbNP
- •"Li'l Dickens" Is The Story Of Vice President Cheney Seducing A Gun Enthusiast"Li'l Dickens" by Jerry Stahl (writer of Bad Boys II, a column in Hustler magazine, and several episodes of ALF) opens with the line "I did not mean to sodomize Dick Cheney," and it only gets more incredible from there. In this story, an anonymous narrator bumps into the VP at a gun shop and soon finds himself flirting with the elderly politician.
- •Pounded By The Pound Is About Time Travel Sex With Sentient British CurrencyTingle is infamous for writing dinosaur-on-man sex that people of all political stripes can enjoy, but here he takes a firm stance against Britain's decision to leave the European Union. In Pounded, an everyday British man named Alex is taken one month into the future of Brexit by a giant sentient coin with an "incredible set of chiseled metallic abs" and a "thick golden rod," which is British for "thick golden penis."
- •Ted Cruz Stars In A Sexy Version Of A Christmas CarolIn A Cruzmas Carol: Ted Cruz Takes A Dickens Of A Constitutional, inspired in equal parts by the work of Charles Dickens and America's collective nightmares, a jaded Senator Cruz is planning an early retirement from politics. While at his retirement party, we're told he's "scanning the room for pussy," and now we're never going to be able to watch him give a speech again without imagining him doing that.
- •Kim Davis Goes To Jail, Learns The Appeal Of Sapphic LoveWe all know Kim Davis, the evil mirror universe's equivalent of your grumpy-but-benign aunt. She was the Kentucky county clerk who was willing to briefly go to jail rather than issue marriage licenses to gay couples. However, in Kim Goes To Jail, we get to explore a titillating scenario wherein certain events unfold and prompt Kim to reconsider her stance on homosexuality. Spoiler alert: It's lesbian sex.
- •There's A Shocking Amount Of Obama Porn Out ThereThere are hundreds of Obama stories on fanfiction sites -- a surprising number of which feature the Gilmore Girls, and all of which make you wonder if someone living in a senior's home today wrote stories about FDR plowing Little Orphan Annie back in their youth.
- •Donald Trump Erotica Will Be Our Generation's Grim LegacyIn Donald, Billionaire In Sin, Trump is a "violinist who drew his bow across those strings but only played me," whose yuge dick is so awe-inspiring that our narrator decides to never have children because "The risk of loving anything more than Donald terrified me."