Gloriously Insane Urban Legends You’ll Wish Are True

Conspiracy theories are like moon landings, they're hilariously fake 100% of the time. These theories aren't just fake, they're also so fun that you'll wish they really happened. (click for full)
  1. "An 18th Century Sumo Wrestler Was Actually a Biblical Giant!"
    He was a Nephilim -- a type of human-giant hybrid that, according to the Book of Genesis, can only be created by an angel hooking up with a human.
  2. "MI5 Tried to Rig the Brexit Vote With Erasers!"
    In the days leading up to the all-important vote, anti-EU campaigners began circulating warnings to voters that the government was planning to undermine the will of the people and ...erase troublesome votes by just flat-out erasing them. In hindsight, it's pretty ironic, then, that the only thing that successfully erased votes on that day was good ol' fashioned idiocy.
  3. "The Planet Used to Be Covered in Giant Trees!"
    There's a new truth movement that, in all honesty, we wouldn't mind getting caught being a member of because a) it doesn't involve making people sad, and b) it alleges that the forests which cover 1/3 of our planet are nothing more than stunted imitations of the botanical behemoths that dominated our planet before they were all wiped out in an epic SPACE DISASTER.
  4. "Aliens Have Quarantined the Earth!"
    In 2014, scientists announced the discovery of a gigantic, invisible, planet-encompassing force field preventing us from being fried by the constant stream of high-energy electrons being thrown at us. This discovery was instantly seized upon as being "just like Star Trek" by both self-loathing journalists and internet crazies alike, with only one of those groups managing to do anything remotely interesting with the story.
  5. The US Government Cancelled Firefly Because of Its Anti-Authoritarian Message
    That was the ultimate fate of Firefly, an amazing space western that was (allegedly) cancelled due to low ratings in 2002 by Fox and subsequently canonized by nerds everywhere five milliseconds later. In actuality, it was only an okay-ish space western...that the government ordered consigned to Room 101 after realizing the hideous ramifications of allowing such libertarian propaganda to be broadcast to the citizenry.
  6. "Jesus Retired to Japan!"
    In Japan, a group of millennia-old documents -- known as the "Takenouchi Documents" -- make the bold claim that Jesus Christ actually broke free of his bonds and escaped his crucifixion before retiring to the tranquil village of Shingo and ... dying like, well, a normal person and shit.