(INSANE) CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS FROM AROUND THE WORLD THAT WE NEED

Every year your Christmas is as bland as the gray sludge they squirt out of a machine before remolding and later selling to you as meatloaf. Well don't have a boring Christmas any longer. Here are some traditions from around the world guaranteed to turn your Christmas into a raucous orgy of excitement. (and orgies) Tis the season to get freaky...
  1. Up Helly Aa -The Drunken, Flaming Viking Parade
    The most metal holiday possible, this Scottish celebration has everyone dress as a Viking and march the streets carrying gasoline soaked torches and belting out anthems in praise of the Norse Gods: http://goo.gl/NTXgSP
  2. Mari Lwyd - Christmas With Large Skulls On Your Head
    It's like Halloween meets Christmas, except instead of trick or treating for candy, you get booze and, instead of singing carols, you practice negotiation while wearing a giant skull on your head. What could go wrong: http://goo.gl/XBYSyX
  3. Krampusnacht - A Day Celebrating The Sexually Deviant Christmas Nightmare Creature, Krampus
    Krampus is a horned monster that scares children into behaving well with the threats of being stuffed in a wicker basket and dragged off to hell. Europeans honor him by marauding the streets at night and smacking some ass (because, Europe we guess): http://goo.gl/7jfMTy
  4. The Caganer - The Guy Who Pooped When Jesus Was Born
    This nativity scene tradition honors the one guy who was pooping when Christ came into the world, teaching us that, no matter what we do, we'll always be second fiddle to some guy taking a crap: http://goo.gl/YWGRDF
  5. Papa Noel - Brazil's Sexy Santa Clause
    Forget the fat guy who stuffs his face with cookies. Brazil's Santa surfs and spends his summers at a cool holiday pad in Greenland toning his abs. Mommy kissing Santa Clause just became a much sexier proposition: http://goo.gl/cB5UME