We don't know why parents have constructed these falsehoods about the human body, but we've had enough. We've been yanked out of the comfy womb of deceit with the frigid forceps of TRUTH and we're taking you with us to forever end the cycle of lies. Are you reading this mom? This one's personal.
  1. "Don't swallow that gum! It takes seven years to pass through your digestive system!"
    Your parents confused the term "indigestible" because of course they would. Gum will pass through your system just as quickly as any other food. It is just that, when it does, it will come out fully formed. So, if you're into gummy poops like we are, then swallow all the Hubba Bubba you want.
  2. "Put a jacket on! You'll catch a cold!"
    The "common cold" isn't actually caused by cold temperature. It's caused by the rhinovirus, which you can catch in 100 degree weather for all it cares. The common cold does tend to be more prevalent during cold weather months, but Dr. Robert Bradsher M.D. believes that "cold weather usually makes people stay indoors, which might increase the person-to-person transmission of respiratory viruses." See mom!
  3. "If you shave your facial hair will grow back thicker."
    No, shaving does nothing to make hair grow thicker and, if it looks like it has, that's because you're no longer a pre-pubescent boy. You're a man now. You have thick, scraggly old person hair and you wake up at night crying because you realize life has all been a lie.
  4. "You can't have anymore sugar, you'll be bouncing off the walls!"
    Mom, was just trying to save a few bucks at the candy aisle. According to neonatologist Dr. Bryan Burk, "no evidence exists that feeding children a high-sugar diet will induce hyperactivity, despite the common belief that it does." Ha! Take that Mom!
  5. "Turn on a light! Reading in the dark will ruin your eyes"
    Dim light doesn't hurt our eyes so much as the strain of constantly trying to refocus on an image. Reading in the dark won't hurt your eyes so long as you aren't constantly rocking back and forth from a sugar high. (Which turns out doesn't exist.)