New Products That Seem Amazing Til You Apply Basic Science

Whenever you read about some revolutionary new technology, you probably just go ahead and believe it's real -- we're basically living in a porno parody of The Jetsons already, so what's beyond belief? Well, these things, for starters ... (click for full)
  1. Solar Roadways Won't Work
    Say, have you seen many solar panels laid out flat on the ground? Probably not, because those suckers need to be angled to face the sun directly in order to feed off its light-blood with any kind of efficiency. So for them to produce meaningful power, all of our roads would have to bank, sharply like a Nascar track.
  2. Artificial Gills Are Pure Science Fiction
    The human body needs about 25 milliliters of pure oxygen with each breath, which you can get from 1.5 gallons of sea water. Now, a typical human takes about 15 breaths per minute, meaning that the teeny-weeny Triton would have to suck in and process 24 gallons of water per minute, assuming 100 percent efficiency. That's like asking you to drain a large aquarium by drinking all of its water through a straw. You have one minute.
  3. The Miraculous Pocket Doctor Is A Scam
    The "science" behind the GoBe is based on a bunch of half-assed assumptions that only culminate in full ass. The device supposedly works by sending high- and low-frequency signals through your body that detect how much water there is inside your cells. That's more or less possible. However, the company behind it, Healbe, claims that this reading allows GoBe to calculate glucose concentration in your body, which is more "less possible."
  4. The Self-Filling Water Bottle Is Fundamentally Flawed
    The Fontus sucks in moist air and cools it down to make water. And despite what its producers claim, it does so at an insanely inefficient rate. Using the company's own data, Australian engineer David L. Jones calculated that, in order to produce one quart of water, the Fontus would require an environment with a temperature of 104 F and 90 percent humidity. No human would need this invention, because no human would live in that place.
  5. Usable Projection Watches Are A Lie
    What is the Ritot? It's the goddamn future, that's what it is. More precisely, it's a wristband that uses light to project the time, texts, emails, etc. right onto your hand. Unfortunately, current projection technology simply cannot fit into a wristband device smaller than Hellboy's fist. Furthermore, how does the Ritot take into account the different shapes and sizes of human hands? That's a good question. Here's Ritot's answer, essentially: "S-shut up."