Problems A Giant Robot Would Actually Have

You're thinking of getting a giant robot, aren't you? Well, bad move, friend. Can I call you friend, idiot? As much as it might seem like a great idea, having a giant robot would be a disaster, ruining everything you value, both in this life and the next one. Here's why: (click for full) goo.gl/9Ww6sP
  1. It's Too Big
    Because the mass of something is proportional to its volume, while its strength is proportional to the cross-sectional area, a giant robot -- a giant anything -- will eventually become so big that it can't support its own weight. There would be similar problems with the power supply, plumbing, and heat dissipation. Basically, the humanoid form we all know and love only really works if it's about yea big.
  2. Nesting Birds
    That means they're tall, and have many nooks and crannies and other warm, flat surfaces. The types of places birds love to situate their nests. In the spring especially, you'll find your robot to be incredibly popular with nesting birds looking for a place to fuck.
  3. Teens Constantly Trying To Trip You
    What this means for you, as the only person in the area with a giant robot, is a dramatic increase in the number of pranks you'll suffer at the hand of local youths. You'll be going about your business commuting or saving the world, and hear them whispering and mocking you and gigglingly speculating about what you're compensating for.
  4. Distance You From Your Fellow Man
    Increasing the distance between yourself and everyone else makes it easier to dehumanize them. We see a similar effect with internet trolls or military pilots. And that's going to be an issue when you're 50 feet above everyone.
  5. The Government, Man
    The government doesn't have a lot of regulations pertaining to the use of giant robots, but you can bet that will change pretty soon after you knock down your first set of high-tension power lines. Expect constant pestering about the damage you do to the roads, and the traffic lights you keep tripping over, and all the teens who have gone mysteriously missing.
  6. Combat Effectiveness
    See how this tank crawled up a slight incline? And has stopped just behind a pile of dirt and rocks? That's called a defilade, or hull-down position, and means it can shoot things while those things can't shoot it. It's part of the reason tanks have that particular low-profile shape instead of the profile of the goddamned Jolly Green Giant.