Reasons It's Now Impossible To Tell If A New Movie's Good

The average preview has so many spoilers that you're sick of the movie before it comes out. Combine that with the volume of internet chatter and it seems impossible to know if a movie will actually be good. And we're all to blame. No, really, this shitification was a team effort, starting with ... (click for full) http://goo.gl/z7XMxl
  1. IMDb And Rotten Tomatoes Are Lying To You
    Rotten Tomatoes scores suck at judging a film, which shouldn't come as a surprise when you consider that their "fresh" or "rotten" system forces every nuanced review into either a "good" or "bad" category with nothing in between. In other words, while the site creates the illusion of a sliding scale, it's based on a two-option limit that crams three-star movies into the same slot as zero-star movies.
  2. Fan Culture Has Made It Impossible To Trust Word Of Mouth
    Because fans are emotional, dumb babies who feel like there's sanctity around whatever cash grab they personally grew up with. And for that reason, they cannot be trusted to accurately say if the movie is going to suck ass or be a timeless classic like Independence Day and its goddamn incredible sequel. Resurgence is -- in the words of one esteemed critic -- "like seeing a fun house on fire!"
  3. Movies Are Taking A Back Seat To Their Own Marketing
    Companies will often pre-edit a teaser trailer based on the script alone, forcing productions to lock down and shoot certain scenes early so films like The Force Awakens can have a visually explosive promo released a mere month after principal photography. So much for any major rewrites!
  4. The People Who Made The Film Aren't Involved In The Actual Marketing
    Why the hell should we ever trust a movie's trailer when the people closest to the production think it's a load of garbage? This is the consequence of the years-in-advance, conveyor-belt approach to marketing these films. The pressure to deliver a commercial product in a short amount of time isn't conducive to the director's process, and so these artists are going to rebel against their own work, like Fantastic Four's Josh Trank tweeting that the studio ruined his film.
  5. We Know Way Too Much About How A Movie Is Made Before It Comes Out
    In the first three days after Rogue One announced reshoots, the media went from the sirens of doom, to admitting ignorance, to realizing that nothing bad had really happened. But for angry people like me, the news that newbie director Gareth Edwards had fucked the Wookiee was delicious. And so here I am, convinced the new Star Wars will be a soiled abomination ... based on my own bias and a single rumor.