The Dirtiest Tricks Politicians Use To Make You Like Them

Every election, politicians keep serving us up the same crap -- stuff that has nothing to do with their ability to lead. And we keep swallowing it down as if Burger King just released a new Frankenfood. (click for full) http://goo.gl/GPJQhy
  1. Using Someone's Death To Advance An Agenda
    I graduated high school and college with a woman called Kate Steinle. If that name sounds vaguely familiar to you, it's because last year she was shot and killed by an undocumented immigrant in San Francisco. Since then, some politicians, particularly Donald Trump, have used her death to try to provoke fear in people that all undocumented immigrants are in fact rapists and killers, as if crossing a border without permission acts as the necessary serum to turn Dr. Jekylls into Senor Hydes.
  2. Their Parents' Or Grandparents' Jobs
    I'd like to tell you about my grandmother. She is a great woman, who was widowed young and raised three boys on her own in one of the poorest areas of rural Kentucky, all while holding down a job cooking meals at the local hospital and practicing her ninja spin kicks. This information has not affected my life in any real way, but if I ever decide to run for office, that shit right there is gold.
  3. Their Pets
    Presidents basically have to have pets to make them seem more human and less like cyborgs that run on money and the power of the Constitution. What kind of pets they have and how they treat them are huge. We've told you before about some of the weirder choices, but in general, presidents need to have a dog.
  4. Being Outdoorsy
    It's even worse when Democrats try this tactic, since they have to walk the fine line between getting the hunter vote while not angering animal right supporters. When John Kerry went on a much-mocked goose hunt in 2004, he was the only one of the group who didn't hold up a carcass, and journalists noted that he made sure to hide his bloodied hand from the cameras.
  5. Eating In Diners
    Politicians: It's enough. We get it. You want us to think you are just a normal local and you know all the down-home places to eat. But Yelp isn't a secret only your campaign manager knows about, and you are not fooling anyone.
  6. Faking Local Accents
    If a politician wants to get a two-for-one deal, they can go to a diner AND slip into the local accent. This is the best way they know how to beat you over the head with their folksiness. The problem is, it is usually Northern politicians slipping into a Southern accent, which makes them sound like they've had some moderately severe head trauma. It tends to be Democratic politicians who do this. (That may just be because more Republican politicians are actually from the South.)
  7. Pretending To Know About Sports
    Hillary Clinton grew up as a Cubs fan in Chicago, so no one was fooled when she said she would split her allegiance and also become a Yankees fan if she was elected a New York senator. Mitt Romney wanted you to know that he was just like your average TV-watchin', beer swillin' NASCAR follower when he said that, while he didn't watch "as closely as some of the most ardent fans," he did "have some great friends that are NASCAR team owners."