Trends From History With F**ked Up Explanations

If only we could go back to the good old days, when life was simple, dignified, and important. Those people in your history books were busy doing things for you to read about in history books. They weren't subject to dumb fads. Theirs were ridiculous. There's a difference. goo.gl/6JhhNM (click for full column)
  1. It's Cool To Not Give A Damn About Dying Horrifically
    Medieval people were understandably preoccupied with death and the afterlife, since they were constantly dying of pretty much everything. But giving in to agony and allowing your face to contort into an outward reflection of one of the five temptations (disbelief, despair, impatience, pride, and avarice) was a sure way to find yourself bathed in eternal hellfire.
  2. The Nazis Firmly Believed That Chicks Dig Scars
    The horrific scars were considered badges of honor, even though bearing them implied that you lost so badly that you literally got your face rocked off. Strangely, though facial scars and Nazi officers go together like Nazi officers and impotence, the Third Reich actually outlawed Mensur when it came to power.
  3. The Grecian Bend Made Hunchbacks Sexy (Again?)
    That's when the combination of corsets, bustles, crinolettes, and other bizarre woman-mutilating structures combined to form the sexiest hunchbacks this side of Marty Feldman. All this additional hardware forced the fashionable women of the day to walk with a stooped posture to keep from going ass over teakettle, and the resulting hunch became known as the "Grecian Bend."
  4. Gout Was The Historical Version Of A MacBook
    Gout was once known as Rich Man's Disease, because it's directly related to diet -- namely, the overindulgence in meats and wines and under-indulgence in fresh fruits and vegetables. This results in a buildup of uric acid in the blood, which soon affects the sufferer's joints. For most of history, only the wealthy could afford enough meat and wine for a bout of gout, and so it was regarded as a disease solely for kings and aristocrats.
  5. Tuberculosis Was The Most Boneable Disease
    In Renaissance times, pale skin was seen as highly attractive, because it meant that the pasty freak was so well-off that they never had to so much as step outside and see the awful, awful Sun. So following that logic, what could possibly be more attractive than the waxy and pallid complexion of a TB sufferer?