Luckily, we can avoid most of these people, but a select few have managed to trap us in situations we can't escape, at least not very quickly. These people, who hold us hostage with their mundane dumbfuckery, are the worst sorts of people in the world. (click for full)
  1. The Mass Transit Child
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    Any potential interaction with a strange child is exponentially more awkward for each year below 16 or 17 they are. A late teen can almost interact with an adult in a normal way, depending on maturity levels. But below that, it's just more and more wrong and harrowing. And 12 is about the perfect age for a child to be too young to have anything of interest to say to you, yet be old enough to have enough world knowledge to never stop talking.
  2. The Cabbie
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    The cab driver has you by the balls the moment you sit down. You need to go somewhere that's further than you choose to walk and probably faster than you could get there on the bus. So you're in this stranger's car for that haul, and if they want to sweat the meat sweats for the full ride, you bet they will.
  3. The Barber
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    I understand the vagaries of chitchat, the ins and outs of small talk, but this is a total stranger shaving your neck hair. I don't need this person to know what I'm doing on the weekend. And is it even possible they care? Why do we do this to each other? If you don't care and I don't want you to know, why are we in this conversation? What the fuck is wrong with us?
  4. The Dentist
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    Nearly every dentist, without fail, will not just chat, but also ask questions, no matter what the preposterous state of your mouth. This will include when they've apparently wired your molars like a C4 device with painful clamps and then wrapped them in some kind of rubber trench coat that only your tongue can fit through, or when literally sawing through your teeth with power tools. What on earth are you expected to actually say in these situations?
  5. The Queue
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    The line chatterer is someone just as bored as you, but with fewer personal boundaries or less sanity. Much less sanity. Because only the insane would dare strike up a conversation while you're waiting to shuffle-stop shuffle-stop shuffle-stop toward some goal that's as satisfying as maybe taking a piss.