The Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store have teamed up to find something for every gamer out there, from that guy who dropped out of college so he could "no-life" CS:GO to your aunt who plays Angry Birds and just has no life. (Click the link to shop and for full column!)
  1. The Retro Gamer
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    It's time to break the NES (or "Nintendo Entertainment System," as you insist on saying every time) out of the display case and show the world that this ol' girl still has moves. The Complete NES Bluetooth Controller Kit gives you a brand-new wireless controller, so you can bash Goomba heads in with style. It even allows you to hook up a Wiimote, so you can laugh at your friends trying to launch fireballs by wildly flapping their arms.
  2. The Trendy Gamer
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    You've been burned before, but this time's different. This time, you're getting a virtual reality headset which you can use anywhere you go. This time, the price to embrace new technology is only $18.99, with free shipping. This time, it attaches directly to your phone. This time, there's probably 3D porn.
  3. The Competitive Gamer
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    We know you're looking for an edge, and that's why we're giving you the Steelseries 9H Gaming Headset. Equipped with tournament-grade audio, extreme passive noise blocking, and best-in-class comfort, these babies will alert you of any scumbag casual trying to get the drop on you. Teabagging their corpse afterward is purely up to you.
  4. The Mobile Gamer
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    You and this Megaboy iPhone (and iPad) case are the perfect fit. Not only will it protect your phone from the rigors of your strenuous schedule, but it'll do so while paying homage to the greatest handheld console and Capcom character to ever buster-shoot his way into the fold.
  5. The Solo Gamer
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    As a modern adventure gamer, you get that morality isn't simply good vs. evil. No, morality now has a drop-down menu of at least four options. That's why this travel mug (and our video below) rightly point out how Mario isn't the hero he's cracked up to be. That, and it allows you to store 12 oz of hot liquid energy, so you can play into the night without tiring or having to move. We know that when you're done, you'll probably then use it as a piss bottle, but hey, we're not judging.