HOW TO REMEMBER YOUR PASSWORD FOR ANYTHING

  1. It's probably your birthday.
    Don't know that? Good job, shithead.
  2. Okay, any pets?
    Any big ol' dead ones? Could be that. Can't remember your pets name? Then that's not your pet. Either let it outside or, if it's bigger than your refrigerator, play dead. This is no time for passwords.
  3. What street did you grow up on?
    If you're a stripper, just do the opposite of that name game where it's your pet and first street you lived on. But this also involves a pet, so you'd need that now too. If you're not a stripper, you need to become one, using a pets name and the street you grew up on. So you've REALLY got some work to do.
  4. What do you like to do?
    This is a tough one if you're a serial killer. If it was just one murder, then sure, probably that one victim's name cause hey, who can forget that one murder, ya know? But now we're talkin multiples. Any that stand out to you? Take your time but just remember to remain calm. Wouldn't want a tantrum getting you all riled up into a murderous rage. Cause then that's just another name added to the potentials and you're only making it worse.
  5. Do you like a city?
    Like, you like a city so much that you'd make it the password to your bank account? Cause if you love Des Moines that much, then buddy, you're messed up. Don't even log in to your bank account - just walk out into traffic cause that balance won't be worth peeking at anyway. Stop loving a city and then we can talk about making money you goddamn creep.
  6. None of that worked?
    If none of this worked then it's probably your name and if it is, go to hell.