HOW TO ROB A BANK, ACCORDING TO THE FILM 'HEAT'
So you need to rob a bank and you've resorted to Internet advice in order to do so. Congrats, loser. But whatever. I'm not one to judge and I've never robbed a bank so here's how they did it in that cool ass movie Heat so good luck, idiot.
- •Get a team together where everyone has a problem.The more screwed up, the better. Yeah, they should be able to hold a gun, but the minute a shrink walks in the room all hell breaks lose. They should be so damaged that they shouldn't be holding a gun. But then how are you going to rob a bank? I don't know, I told you this was only about Heat I've never done this.
- •Don't be tracked by a relentless cop.This one's hard because that's what the movie's about. So, I don't know, don't be a criminal? Hey, that could work! If you're reading this and you're a seasoned criminal who could be tracked and aren't in jail, then holy shit go buy a lottery ticket instead cause you're the luckiest mofo alive. If not, then you're in the clear! No Pacino is looking for you and you'll be fine. Rob away!
- •Have sex with an attractive woman you meet at a ridiculously crowded restaurant.I'm taking a restaurant so crowded that you would be like, whoa, I'm a smart criminal who wants to keep a low profile, I should never go in here cause it's super crowded and I'll be seen by a lotta peeps. So, yeah, do that and then have sex with a woman in there. This one's pretty easy, if you ask me.
- •Pick the biggest street in your city: go robbing on that one.You heard me. And when it comes time, have the biggest shootout in the history of the world on that same street. It worked for them, why not you!
- •Most important: Avoid Al PacinoSo I don't know if you know this, but Al is the reason they don't get away with it in the movie. Yeah, spoiler alert but what are you gonna do about it, loser asshole that reads how-to lists about robbing banks like they do in movies? Anyway, like I was saying, Al Pacino is probably gonna be your biggest problem. So whatever you do, DON'T GO NEAR HIM. If you happen to come face to face with, pull a "Hey, what's that?!" and when he turns around to see what you were yelling about, run away.