"Self-Help List of Things To Do In Order to Let Go"

Written by my friend Clare
  1. When feeling depressed while riding in an elevator, stop. Sigh really long and loudly and sink to the floor in a puddle of arms and legs and croak out in a very weak and depressed voice: "quaack."
  2. When someone gives you a test in class, look at it, look at the teacher, look at it, look up, and scream: "No more damnit! NO MORE!" and then leave.
  3. Relieving stress is good. Bring cheesy crackers with you when going out and offer them to passing people and/or dogs.
  4. See how many rocks you can fit in your pocket when walking down the streets of Ames. If people ask you what you're doing - run.
  5. I want you to start taking really deep breaths, and as you get more and more light-headed, begin lumbering around the room with outstretched zombie arms. See how many children you can scare.
  6. Eat chocolate and smile before it's all swallowed. Then spit it out in your hand.
  7. Go up and very quietly stand behind someone, as close as you can get, and after five silent minutes, GIGGLE as loud as you can into their ear.
  8. Say "hi, Sam." to everyone you pass by.
  9. Keep cookies in your pockets and offer them to anyone with red-hair.
  10. Talk to chipmunks when you see one.
  11. Despise sunlight.
  12. Find a way to get on the roof of public buildings and bring a bucket of sand to pour on people just trying to go home after a long, awful day at work.
  13. Sing like you mean it
  14. Make up a language and speak it rapidly at grocery stores.
  15. Wear oven mitts as winter mittens
  16. Make up songs while in public restrooms
    - see how loud you can get it to echo.
  17. Carry a mouse in your pocket, dead or alive, and cheese in the other.
  18. Being Clare candy.
  19. Rant about the destruction of happiness in the world, very angrily.