THINGS I THINK ABOUT WHILE FLYING

"It's raining men!" - Sylvia Plath
  1. Oh my god this plane is gonna crash and I'm gonna die
  2. What air-borne diseases will I catch on this flight?
    Can diseases be transmitted through farts? Because there are farts EVERYWHERE on this plane.
  3. Oh my god this plane is gonna crash and I'm gonna die
  4. This "Vanity Fair" is full of very long stories and I mostly just wanted to see the pretty pictures of Sofia Vergara and maybe just read one story that makes me feel a little smart and gives me just enough info to make it sound like I know all about the perils of bipartisanship.
    Didn't fully make it through the Sofia Vergara story but I plan to.
  5. Who gets to pick what the in-flight meals are and why haven't their privileges been revoked?
    I don't trust beef at 30,000 feet. It's unnatural.
  6. Oh my god this plane is gonna crash and I'm gonna die
  7. Picturing the flight attendant buying his work shoes, and deciding between 2 different pairs and what each pair will say about him as he patrols the sky and maybe he'll just go with the comfortable option but no he may as well go with the nicer one because you only live once, Derek.
    Suddenly shit just got very emotional for me?
  8. Oh thank Christ the plane landed holy shit I will kiss the ground I'm so thankful to be alive
    Immediately check my phone, ignore the sunlight and grass and newfound appreciation of life. Check Rihanna's Instagram account just to see how she's doing. She seems well.