5 LIES ON YOUR RESUME AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

  1. NYU Tisch School of the Arts, B.A in Performance Studies
    What you really mean: $65,000 Improv Classes
  2. Trinity College Dublin, Study abroad coursework in Economics & Business
    What you really mean: Developed the ability not to commit suicide on a 3 hour walking tour hung over; Inspiration for the @BuzzFeed article "500 Reasons Why Studying Abroad Makes You An Intolerable Asshole"
  3. NYU Learning Center, Calculus Tutor
    What you really mean: Low Key Drug Dealer who provided leftover Adderall prescriptions to the less fortunate who couldn't convince their doctors to prescribe then for their non-existent ADD
  4. Jefferson Hill Media, PR Intern
    What you really mean: Expressed creativity by seeing how many names my boss could call me before she finally settled on "Cath...Karen" ; Succeeded in obtaining the regional high score on Dolphin Olympics
  5. Fluent in German and Conversational Spanish
    What you really mean: Took one semester of German sophomore year... Of high school ; Worked with Mexican dishwashers who consistently offered me cocaine in Spanish (¡No, Tengo 14 años!)
  6. Technical Skills: Microsoft Office Suite, Java and HTML
    What you really mean: Downloaded Excel to make spreadsheets to organize upcoming mixers; Don't know what the other two mean but saw it on the Yale resume template