How to 127-hours a Fish
Imagine. You are on the beach and discover a fish the size of a small dinner plate wedged between two rocks JUST up out of the water. You must act QUICKLY. (This is what I did)
- 1.Begin by noticing the fishYou will hear it flap very loudly. "What is that?" "I didn't hear anything," your idiot sister will say. She is still excited about the swarm of endangered turtles in the water. Peer around the rock and see a desperate fish face gasping for air
- 2.Don't panic, alert your idiot sisterShe will take a while to come over because she thinks you're being dumb - a mistake.
- 3.Realize this fish may dieYou could reasonably panic without understanding this fish's life is in danger. Because woah fish up close are #1 yuck. But YES time is of the essence (is it ever not?????????????????????????)
- 4.See if the fish can make it out aloneLetting nature take its course is important, no? Survival is a struggle and necessarily so. Do not be naive!
- 5.Refuse to stand idly byAfter whining with your idiot sister about it, decide to get a thick stick to begin to loosen the fish (gently of course, but also, with purpose). Your idiot sister should splash it with water as much as possible
- 6.Do this for a small whileKeep trying
- 7.Realize this isn't quite workingThe stick can only do so much, this fish really fucked herself big time
- 8.Get a local to pull it out with his handsHe will do it fearlessly, toss the fish back into the water and say "take care" before returning to his very cool lifestyle