1. Obviously, I'm writing this instead.
  2. My muscles hurt from using them to move around the house like a decrepit turtle.
    Or one of those mollusks that clamp into a rock and are all, "This is a good spot. I think I'll stay here till I die or get eaten."
  3. I can't decide what exercise to do.
  4. My exercise app didn't actually remind me.
    Which means I don't have to. The stupid thing only has one job, so if it fails, I get to fail, too.
  5. I already took a shower and I don't want to get sweaty.
  6. It's almost evening and technically it's bad to exercise at night.
    Someone told me that, so it must be true.
  7. I just don't want to.
    The true reason behind most non-healthy decisions in my life. "I want to" is something my brain thinks only applies to eating cookie dough for breakfast or starting a movie at bedtime.