Inspired by @siddharthainc
  1. Cleveland ruining some poor bastard's career. Like this guy.
  2. Or this guy
  3. Or this guy
  4. Or this guy
  5. Or this guy
  6. Etc etc
  7. Thomas Dimitroff's hair will be a better football player than any Falcons pick in the third round or later.
  8. Derrick Henry will be called a bust waiting to happen because of Trent Richardson and Mark Ingram.
  9. Jets fans will be upset about anything and everything.
  10. Mark Davis will have the worst haircut of any millionaire in a thousand mile radius.
  11. Bill Belichick will be grumpy in some kind of sweatshirt.
  12. Roger Goodell will still be a piece of walking, talking feces.
  13. The phrases "runs downhill," "has a good motor," "arm strength," "pounds the rock," and "football IQ" will be used liberally throughout the broadcast.