THINGS I DO AS A FIRST WORLD CITIZEN THAT I SHOULDN'T

  1. Run the shower for the length of my poos so no one hears
  2. Buy vegetables I know I'm not going to use so that my fridge looks respectable
  3. Leave the lights on when I leave the house as a way of 'sticking it to the man'
  4. Go to the doctors in perfectly good health because I fancy the jab lady
  5. Buy loads of snacks and lay them out so that when just the one girl I invited shows up it seems like I did invite loads of others and they just didn't show.
  6. Throw perfectly good things in the bin from a distance to feel like Kobe.