I AM GRATEFUL..

I had already started this and left it in my drafts and then @KC_____ reqested it, so here we go..
  1. That even though I am still shattered and angry about losing my daughter, that I had her for 27 years.
    And I wouldn't trade that for anything, even all this pain.
  2. That I have a wonderful man who loves me even when I feel unloveable (which is most of the time now).
    I'm not going to say it hasn't been and continues to be, HARD. My instinct is to push everyone away so that I don't have to work at anything except healing myself, but he reminds everyday, why I love him.
  3. That we are (at the moment) reasonably healthy.
    That sounds kinda lame but he was diagnosed with viral cardiomyopathy, two weeks before I lost my daughter and I had a melanoma removed six weeks after..so, yeah, we're a bit skeptical..
  4. That I have worked for the same dentist for over 25 years.
    And though the familiarity can sometimes exacerbate my anxiety, I have stability and a good deal of freedom to come and go if I need to.
  5. We own a home that we enjoy.
    It's a comfort..coming home to something that's yours.
  6. We get to travel.
    We had a European vacation planned last Fall, and cancelled it. Heading to Paris and Italy next month and it's our dream vacation.
  7. That we have a lot of friends who support and love us.
    I don't take this for granted. I have let go of a few who required more energy than I have to give, but those still standing are keepers.
  8. That my daughter and I had grown very close. We spoke nearly every day and I got to hear her voice that afternoon when I called to tell her to come home for a visit.
    Her teen years were rough. So having the relationship we'd built together was really special and important to both of us.
  9. She and her sister were working on their relationship.
    They hadn't spoken for awhile but thankfully mended things three months before❤️
  10. My other two adult children are healthy and working on careers that I hope will fulfill them.
  11. That even though I have had a great deal of anxiety since losing her, I have learned to manage it for the most part.
    I still need ambien to sleep, but gardening, cooking. reading and writing, help considerably.
  12. That a shoulder to cry on is merely a text/call away.
  13. That I am surrounded by things that remind me of her.
    Our antique tea cups we used, music, movies, my flower garden, everytime I cook, I wear some of her clothes, drink soy lattes, pictures everywhere..
  14. There is a single butterfly that hangs around and it brings me peace.
  15. That I am still capable of feeling joy.
    I didn't think this was possible when your heart was broken but it is! Our friends having babies, reveling in the accomplishments of my other children. This has been a pleasant surprise.
  16. My sister.
    Beyond grateful💕