WHEN CALLING YOUR WIFE AN IDIOT IS THE LEAST OFFENSIVE THING YOU SAY

Sometimes there are no words.
  1. So, I clean teeth for a living.
    And I have heard quite a lot of things from my patient's mouths..
  2. A li.st's worth, in fact..
    Working on it.
  3. But today, well, I was actually speechless.
    Which RARELY happens, trust me.
  4. We have TV's in the ceiling.
    It's actually really nice for them, and usually equally so for me, save the political climate right now.
  5. This afternoon, I'd had enough, so I tuned in HGTV.
    (I usually give them a choice, but not today!)
  6. My last patient of the day, a man not much older than I am, whom by the way, I've known for years, says to me..(referring to Chip and Joanna, from Fixer Upper)
  7. "I like these two, but you know who I can't stand, those two q______s on that other show. That's what they call themselves, right?"
  8. "Uh, (stunned silence) you mean the Property Brothers? Who are ACTUALLY BROTHERS?? And no, that's not at all what they call themselves, wow."
  9. ~makes some joke about how that's even worse~(obnoxious laugh)
    Silence for the next 45 minutes..
  10. As I'm taking off his bib and dismissing him (SO appropriate), his phone rings.
    I see it says CHERYL, and I know it's his wife because I clean her teeth too.
  11. (Ringtone, in a robotic voice) "An idiot is calling your cellular device"..
    😳😳😳😳😳😳
  12. "That's your ringtone for your wife"?!
    In the most incredulous voice I could muster.
  13. "Yeah, (laughing), she hates it!"
  14. "I can't imagine", I say.
    I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.