What goes through the my head while meditating

I am trying to staying present but my mind refuses to cooperate. Here's a list of what's going on inside my head during a 10 minute session. This was written after I mediated just now and is pretty close to actual events.
  1. Ok, let's do this. Breathe in. Breathe out.
  2. Ok, not bad. You are doing well. Keep breathing
  3. Wait, telling myself to breathe, is that being present. Shouldn't I just know to breathe?
  4. Ok, doesn't matter. Keep going, focus on the breath.
  5. I want to watch the latest episode of Preacher when I'm done. Yea, what a crazy show. Good though.
  6. Then after that, maybe I'll go for a run.
  7. Oh man! I forgot to take the dog out before I started meditating.
  8. Oh no! I am totally not being present. Time to refocus.
  9. Ok, breathe in and listen to the sounds around you. Relax. You can do this.
  10. Oh, a birdie! What a cute chirp.
  11. Wait, it's not time for bird watching (listening?), you should be meditating.
  12. Right! Stay present!
  13. Stay on target. Luke, the force is with you, you can be present if you would just STAY ON TARGET. Focus on the breath. In... Out... Ahhh, this is it!
  14. What?? That can't be my alarm. 10 minutes is already up?