My Nastiest Break-up 💔

Okay not sure how these super emotional lists work...so this girl was my best friend for 6 years. Nothing is worse than a friendship break up. I still think about her so much and it brings me to a very dark place in my life. Now that I'm getting ready to pick up and move to a new city, things have been pulling me back to that time.
  1. We met in 3rd grade
    But we really didn't start being friends until 8th though. We were 2 teenagers that had just about everything in common.
  2. She was gorgeous
    Or atleast that's what I thought. Or maybe what she drove into my head. She was the "pretty" one, I was the "shy/quiet/awkward" one. Even up until senior year of high school she made me feel aesthetically inferior. We had sleepovers every Friday night. She taught me how to straighten my hair and use make-up. That's us senior year.
  3. She was very charming
    She got all the boys to flirt with her. When we were young I would always tag along on her dates since neither of our parents let us date yet. Sometimes she was kind enough to have the guy bring someone for me. That's how I met my first bf. She got mad at me when I wouldn't sleep with him (we were 15) and he broke up with me. No matter, she slept with him a year later.
  4. She turned people against me
    We had a mutual best friend up to junior year. After a rough summer for me taking allergy medication that gave me depression. Both of them sat me down the day before thanksgiving to tell me the two of them did not want to be friends with me anymore because I was an "emotional dump." This was the lowest I have been in my entire life. These were the only two people in the entire world who truly understood me. I was very alone for a long time after that.
  5. An angel came into my life
    During this first break up I reconnected with a girl I had hung around in during middle school. She was so sweet and caring toward me and we had both been through similar situations. My now ex-friend swam with her and when my new friend found out what this girl did to me she bitched her out in front of like 20 people. A lot of people stopped talking to her after that.
  6. Kiss and make-up
    After she found out I made friends with this truly amazing girl, she came crawling back and apologized for everything. Said she had been a shitty friend and things would be different. They were for a while.
  7. I started dating my high school sweetheart
    We had been friends since middle school. He was quiet and shy like me and we had always given eachother relationship advice in the past (he used to have a crush on my now best friend again). But now he was mine and we found so much love and kindness in eachother it was so easy for us to connect on almost everything. We were eachothers firsts.
  8. Meanwhile
    Things were great again between me and my best friend. We hung out every weekend. She always tried to come between me and my other friends but we always managed to be close. Her mom helped me shadow in a hospital and I decided what I wanted to do with my life. We even planned a cruise together after high school graduation.
  9. Things got awkward
    One night I had to work but all my friends went to a local rugby match and went out to dinner after. The next night my boyfriends parents were going out of town and we had our very first sleepover at his house. He took me to this very fancy restaurant and he seemed quiet all night, I assumed he was just nervous about his parents finding out.
  10. My world exploded
    The Monday after that weekend I finally approached my boyfriend because he was being so weird. He finally admits to me he cheated on me with my best friend (this girl). Not only that but he thinks he's in love with her and they've been taking for months. He waited after our romantic weekend to tell me because he didn't want to spoil it. He told me he wasn't sure which one of us he loved more so he was going to take spring break to think about it.
  11. After this meeting I had golf practice with HER
    I cried the whole time. Tears of anger and betrayal. Everytime I looked at her I could picture them together. After practice she confronted me and said she hoped there were no hard feelings. And that she hoped we could remain friends no matter who he chose. Although she hinted to me she already knew. Keep in mind this all happened to me IN ONE DAY.
  12. It's her
    He finally came back from break and chose her. They hung out a little and went on a couple dates but we all had so many mutual friends I would always be around to see it. It tore my heart out. I was so lost and to this day I can never tell if I felt more sorrow for his betrayal or hers. Part of me wanted to disappear, part of me didn't want to give her the satisfaction.
  13. It's me
    After this went on for two weeks he found me and wanted to talk. He missed me and didn't know why he didn't choose me in the first place. He cries and calls it "the worst mistake of his life" I cry and believe him and tell him I love him too. I really just think his friends told him about what a douche he was being and how crazy my now ex-best friend was and that's what changed his mind. We still went to prom together.
  14. It's me again
    A few weeks after this graduation is fast approaching. Everyone's talking about their last this and last that. And here she comes back into my life. Not a lot of people talk to her at this point and she comes to me saying she misses being part of the group. She wants to make the best of the end of senior year and let the past remain in the past. Because I was stupidly in the phase of forgive and forget (maybe I was being sentimental). I let her back in.
  15. We graduate
    I feel empty when I look at her. I still can't believe we're all in this one picture.
  16. We go on the cruise
    We spend half the time fighting because we know how broken this friendship really is at this point and I finally have a voice to speak my mind. I'm so jaded with her, I can't forgive nor can I forget. I feel like I went on that cruise out of obligation to her parents. They are the nicest people I have ever met and I actually miss them all the time.
  17. We go to college...right down the street from eachother
    She and I hang out a couple times. I tell my roommates what happened between us in private. They tell me to get the fuck out of that friendship real quick. They meet her and tell me she's shady as hell and I deserve so much better in a friend after all this time.
  18. We eventually lose touch
    We go to a hockey game together here. She starts drunk dialing me a bit there (it feels like she's rubbing it in my face though). I just stop engaging after a while. My high school boyfriend and I break up and I completely and finally move on from all of that high school drama.
  19. Here we are now (4 years later)
    Of every relationship I've ever been in, this is the one break up I've never been able to get over. I think about her most days and I hate myself for it. I feel like I need to talk to her and tell her how I feel but I know it's been too long to dig up all this old shit.
  20. Idk why I'm still so broken up about this
    Maybe it's the fact that I just graduated and she's popped up on my news feed. But I just cannot settle my feelings. I love her and I hate her. She ruined my high school years and left me small and self-concious. But she also made me the person I am today whoever that is. Nevertheless I will never be manipulated the way she manipulated me.
  21. I have been through hell and back thinking about this but I don't know how to get over her
    Some days I feel like I never will.
  22. Sorry for the rant, guys.
    Maybe some of you can relate or have any advice. I wrote this late at night so I'm sorry if it sounds dramatic.