Requested by biz

GIFTS I'VE PURCHASED FOR EACH FAMILY MEMBER DURING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON AND WHY

Sorry I've been quiet, folks. It's been such a busy Christmas!
  1. My wife, Christine: A Dyson cordless vacuum
    Because she sucks the life out of the room. Just kidding, sweetie!
  2. My son, Tyler: A Super Nintendo Wee
    He kept asking for an X Box, but I found a Nintendo that was just as good for a third of the price!
  3. My daughter, Michelle: 8 packs of Tylenol Severe Cold medicine.
    A strength thing she put on her wish list, but I'm just happy she's looking after her health. They were a pain in the butt to buy, though. Had to go to four different pharmacies to find them!
  4. My son, Christopher: A "hover board."
    I don't know why they call them that, they don't even float! But he sure does love it. I tried using it but fell right in my rear end!
  5. My best friends Montgomery, André and Jordan: Season tickets to the Chiefs!
    They were super excited! They said that I was the coolest white guy they knew. Such a compliment!
  6. My mailman, Mike: a "get well soon" card.
    Mike just got out of the hospital following his assault in the parking lot of a Menards. He's looking pretty good, all things considered.