I know you kids are worried about your mother, but please talk to me instead of that woman!
  1. Michelle, I have not "been looking for an opportunity to off the old bitch!" I love your mother! And I love you!
  2. Tyler, I am not a "cold, calculating monster who is irrefutably guilty." Why would you say that about me?
  3. Christopher, you know for a FACT that I never called your mother "a three-headed she beast" or "the bane of my existence." That's a lie!
  4. Michelle, I don't "deserve to be shot or electrocuted or stabbed to death or whatever."
  5. Christopher, I know I didn't let you go to that lake party like you wanted, but I am most definitely not "as evil as Hitler and Ted Bundy's bastard offspring!"
  6. I love you very much, kids. I promise I didn't hurt your mother. Please believe me!