Requested by jeremysomething


For those of you who don't know, I spent a little while in prison in account of the state thinking I murdered my wife Christine) I didn't, she's fine now). The one thing I wish I had known, though, was what to bring to prison with me! Here's a list in case any of you kids get in a little legal trouble.
  1. Toothbrush
    The most important item! Good oral hygiene is essential to making people like you. Also, if you're surrounded by Salvadorian gang members in the shower room, you can trade it for a reduced beating.
  2. Shower Slippers
    Can't stress this enough! My cell mate, Kyle, said that "the CIA controls our mind-thoughts through lack of proper footwear." Not sure what he meant, but those shower floors sure do get dirty!
  3. Picture of Your Family
    This will get you through those long, terrifying race riots. Make sure you keep it hidden, or it'll get a LOT of attention from your prison friends.