REASONS I DIDN'T MURDER MY WIFE

There's been a lot of rumor and speculation over the past few days, but I just want to set the record straight: I didn't murder my wife!
  1. I get woozy at the sight of blood!
    Just ask the fellas at my carpeting business. I tried to donate blood at a blood drive last year, and fainted the second I saw a needle!
  2. I tried going hunting once and when I shot at a deer I vomited from guilt!
    I couldn't even kill a deer! Why would I be able to do something as rotten at killing my wife?
  3. They haven't found a body!
    I'm just saying, if she was really dead, wouldn't there be a body somewhere that they'd be looking for?
  4. I have osteoporosis!
    Do they really think I would be able to drag Christine's lifeless body out of the house and properly dispose of it? Not with these bones!
  5. I'm a good guy, no matter what my kids say to Nancy Grace!
    Really, kids. You've had your fun. Please stop talking to Ms. Grace.
  6. I love Christine with all my heart!
    I would never lay a finger on her! She's given me nearly 30 years of constant companionship! Oh god, why won't anyone believe me????