1. If you know me, you know how much I love @menards brand hardware stores! They have everything you could ever need!
  2. When I was on the run after being framed for murdering my wife, there were two things I missed more than anything else: Christine, and the warm feeling I get whenever I walk into a Menards store!
  3. Christmas is my favorite time of year, and you can get everything you need at Menards! There are inflatable Santas, inflatable snowmen, heck, there's even an inflatable manger scene!
  4. You want tools? Menards has you covered! Everything from hammers and socket wrenches to carpet cleaners and jackhammers!
  5. I feel like I'm obligated to tell you folks that my daughter Michelle is no longer allowed in Menards stores nationwide after driving a riding mower over a bunch of fluorescent light bulbs last December while screaming. "Santa isn't real!" Still, I love the place!