THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN THROWN AT THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE SINCE THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MY WIFE

Everyone in town seems to think that I'm guilty! They keep doing such rotten things to the aluminum siding. Leave my poor house alone!
  1. Eggs
  2. Flaming bags of poop
  3. A cinder block with "murderer!" written on it
  4. Footballs covered in blood
  5. Spoiled milk
  6. Jars of Buffalo Wild Wings sauce
  7. Empty whiskey bottles
  8. Moldy pumpkins