WHY I'M SINGLE

I shall remain unwed forever unless someone figures out how to make a hybrid of these men.
  1. Jimmy Fallon
    Our best friends Justin Timberlake (near miss for this list) and Jessica Biel will spend every night playing made-up games and singing every song we know as a barber shop quartet. He falls down way more than I do so that's key, too.
  2. Jon Hamm
    Specifically I'll need a mixture of his manliness from "Mad Men" (oh hey alliteration) and lovable dumbness from "30 Rock". We'll make up for his lack of intelligence with the other guys. Also, he's the face of this man hybrid.
  3. Matt Damon
    Okay his eyes, Jon Hamm's face.
  4. Chris Pratt
    All of the dirty jokes ever.
  5. Tom Hanks
    I'll take a big chunk of his personality and obviously his speaking voice, mainly so he can say, "Don't cry, shop girl...don't cry" any time I want.