REASONS I STOPPED LIVING IN HAYES VALLEY AND MOVED TO THE OAKLAND HILLS

  1. A bum pooped on our stoop. I legit thought it was a melted creamee when I first walked out the door.
  2. A drunk girl hit our car so hard in the middle of the night that we awoke to find it pushed to the middle of the sidewalk.
  3. An asshole broke into my car while I had the flue and stole a backpack full of my friend Sheetal's lsat books fro the trunk
  4. Hipsters
  5. Parking
  6. We wanted/needed a dog
  7. We wanted/needed to not share a back yard with a pizza place.