1. One night I hear a knock at my door
  2. I was doing something stupid, so I thought it was one of my neighbors complaining
    ie: vaccuming, dropping stuff on the floor, grey's anatomy on blast, singing at the top of my lungs. Not sure what I was doing that night really
  3. I don't have a peephole so I just answered the door
  4. It's a little boy
    Almost as cute as this little rascals kid
  5. (I live in an apartment complex where kids run wild so this wasn't completely abnormal)
  6. He asks if I'm busy, idk what he wants so I say no
    Should've known better
  7. He BUSTS OUT this FATTIE binder
  8. On the cover is a collage with pictures of roller coasters and newspapers, and in 3d text it says "HELP ME GET TO MAGIC MOUNTAIN"
  9. He starts his pitch:
  10. Kid: "Could you help me out? I really wanna go to magic mountain, I've never been there before in my whole life and I'm trying to raise money to go there."
  11. Kid (takes a huge breath before continuing): "I'm selling newspaper subscriptions, for the low low price of $13.95 you can get a 10 week Sunday only subscription....(continues to tell me all the subscription options)"
  12. Me: "I don't read the newspaper, sorry. Can I just give you a donation?"
    I want you to go to magic mountain aka leave my doorstep
  13. Kid: "I can't take a donation. But you can use the newspaper for other things! Like for your dog in case it pees inside the house! Or to kill insects. Or to wrap gifts..."
    This kid is goooooooood
  14. Me: "Okay do you take checks?"
  15. He's extra excited and tells me all about what he wants to ride at magic mountain and it's v cute and I'm glad I helped him
  16. But then
  17. The newspapers show up every Sunday
  18. I don't read them just like I said to the little boy. They just pile up right inside my door and I recycle them STILL WRAPPED UP IN THE RUBBER BAND, LITERALLY DID NOT OPEN
  19. Then I receive MORE THAN 10 WEEKS WORTH so I call to cancel my subscription
    That tricky boy....but of course right? It's expected
  20. But now these motherfather's have my info and call me EVERY. OTHER. DAY.
  21. So just to recap, I bought newspapers I didn't need and killed a few trees in the process
  22. Newspaper sales people have been calling me for over a year
  23. I've told them to stop calling, I don't read the newspaper, I'm not interested, I've moved out-of-state, I've moved to Hawaii, NEXT TIME I MIGHT TELL THEM I'M DEAD
  24. And I have no idea if the boy made it to magic mountain or not
  25. BUT I HOPE HE DID......................................................................I REALLY HOPE HE DID