1. Your old life has been obliterated and your new life will never get old
  2. You CAN do it
  3. Your mother was right
  4. You are not your mother
  5. You will need help. A lot of it. From many different people. And you'll have to learn to accept it. And worst of all, ask for it.
  6. You will eat like a baby too. And it's kind of great.
  7. You can blame bad farts on your baby
  8. You can use your baby to get out of awkward social situations
  9. Your relationships with "baby-obsessed" friends will be strange. You want to scream at them like "ITS HORRIBLE STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS" but also need them to stay excited about it so they'll babysit for you.
  10. You will eventually run out of friends willing to babysit for free. Plan accordingly.
  11. You will develop stress coping habits, OR DIE.
  12. You have created a monster, and it's your new best friend.