HOW I'VE LEARNED TO DEAL WITH OVERLY AGGRESSIVE MEN

Ways I've been socialized into getting men to leave me alone
  1. Keep my eyes down, keep walking
    Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact
  2. Give them the stink eye
    I'm from Chicago. Don't fuck with me.
  3. Grab the next nice stranger I see and pretend he's my boyfriend
    Because men respect other men more than a woman's right to not be harassed
  4. Tell them I believe in Destiny and that fate would bring us together if it was meant to be
    Then I write my number on a dollar bill and throw it over the bridge and say if that if it ever comes back to him, we're destined to be together.
  5. Puke on them
    True story.