THINGS I DID WRONG WHEN I GOT MUGGED

  1. Lied
    During previous walks home, I had thought to myself "Dan! What will you do if you get mugged?" The solution, I decided, was I would just tell the guy I left my phone at home! So when I was told to hand it over, I stuck to the plan perfectly. Unfortunately, the guy responded "You were JUST using it. I saw you." The jig was up.
  2. Called his bluff
    My next thought was "this kid isn't a day over 16. He would never shoot someone." So naturally, my mouth decided the best course of action would be to say "c'mon man, you're not gonna shoot me." He took this as his cue to take the gun out of his waistband and point it at my stomach. I handed over my phone quick.
  3. Told the truth
    After I gave him my phone, my mugger let me go through my wallet to take out things to give to him. In retrospect, that was very kind of him. After I gave him my debit card, he said "what's the pin?" After I gave it to him, he said "you better not be lying", which is when it occurred to me I could have lied.
  4. Got angry
    As I was walking away after getting my shit jacked, my mugger yelled after me "you better not snitch on me!" For some reason, this made me much much angrier than him taking my stuff. I decided the wisest course of action was to yell back "How the fuck would I snitch on you, I don't even know your name". This didn't amuse him.
  5. Told him to shoot me
    When it comes to fight or flight, it turns out my dumb brain found a third choice Mugger: "what'd you just say?!" Me: "you already have my shit, go ahead and shoot me" Then, as I sprinted away, I thought to myself "Wait, WHAT DID I JUST SAY". If my mom ever heard that part of the story, she would probably kill me herself.