STRATEGIES FOR FALLING ASLEEP EARLY WHEN I HAVE TO ANCHOR GOOD MORNING AMERICA

On Saturdays and Sundays, while you jerks are sleeping in, I have to be up at 3:45 am to cohost weekend GMA. I try to go to bed by 8p. Here's how.
  1. Exercise
  2. Meditate
  3. Eat an early dinner
  4. Read something incredibly boring from wife's stack of medical textbooks
  5. Thrash around in bed, thinking of all the cool shit I probably wouldn't even be doing if I didn't work weekends
  6. Recall what my dad used to say to me when I was a little kid and couldn't sleep: "Bend over and run as fast as you can into the wall."
  7. Take a sleeping pill