ANATOMY OF THE BEST TEXT I'VE EVER RECEIVED

  1. Only you will understand this situation...
    I'm like super understanding but also kinda judgmental so I honestly don't know where this text is going already. But I'm excited. And a little scared.
  2. I'm taking a Queer Theory class
    This reeks of homophobia but I've already spent too much time reading this and I'm too invested to stop now.
  3. and I've been befriended by someone who I would describe as a seriously unstable but wildly entertaining flamboyantly gay male named Will.
    Why is it that I am the only person who is not approached by gay males??
  4. We've been friends for approximately 2 weeks.
    Literally longer than my last relationship. I'm jealous and angry.
  5. He texted me
    Is this a booty call story?? So intrigued.
  6. and asked me to get to class a few mins early today
    OMG
  7. and I did.
    She's going to witness something she'll never be able to purge from her mind's eye. I'm so worried for her and that I'll have to go into witness protection because I know too much at this point!
  8. He then led me into a deserted women's restroom
    Oh lord Jesus pray for this girl and her soul
  9. and
    AND WHAT ERIKA
  10. invited me to snort lines of coke with him.
    Oh god. I now know why she thought I would be so understanding. I ALSO AGREE THIS THIS MOMENT IS INSANE
  11. I politely declined.
    Is there a way to politely do this??? Does this happen more often than I know? Do I not seem *cool* enough to be asked to do coke in the bathroom? UGH gotta change my vibe.
  12. WUT.
    WUT indeed.