PEOPLE IM TRYING TO GET TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME
- •Pretty blonde clique.2 of them are pretty and stupid the 3rd is punk and scary. I spent a semester wanting to be friends with these weirdos. I'm gonna wear a low-cut top to our final to see where we all stand after 15 weeks together.
- •Old Indian lady who runs the campus liquor storeI just want them to stop charging me $1 for using a credit card! It's the fucking future, stop punishing me for not carrying dirty paper! I'm not a stripper!
- •Hip girl from high school who only shops at AnthropologieHer instagrams are cool and she has a cool boyfriend! I also want her to buy me candles because I'm convinced she has a discount.
- •Warby ParkerI don't know who he is but I think he's rich and I'm willing.
- •Jeni Britton BauerShe built an ice cream empire. It's amazing and she's (probably) delightful. The ice cream is also $10 a pint so I'm not saying I'd be angry to get some free samples.