REASONS ILL REALLY MISS KALIN

  1. One time she gave a bunny a handjob and that made for a funny story to tell at parties.
  2. She's SUPER easy to scare.
  3. Also hates clowns.
  4. She tried to take care of me when I came home hammered once but I was an asshole to her. She still tries to take care of me.
  5. She has a lot of my nudes on her phone because I always send them to her first for critiques.
  6. Her idea of a fun Friday night is Mac n Cheese, red wine, and a rom com.
  7. She calls me on my bullshit.
  8. If she pees during the middle of the night she doesn't flush the toilet so she won't wake me up.
  9. Has confidence for days.
  10. Once yelled at a party full of people because someone said "faggot" and then left without her umbrella. Instead of cutting losses, she went inside and got her umbrella.
  11. She organized a surprise party for me. She's quite quiche.
  12. She's been my sugar mama all summer.
  13. Has never murdered anyone to my knowledge.