THINGS ILL NEVER BE A PART OF

  1. A gay men's choir
    I can't sing DESPITE winning an award for my role as the Captain in Anything Goes during high school.
  2. A lesbian softball league
    I'm not a lesbian, stop asking.
  3. The crowd at a country concert.
    I have this illness where I believe country music is the kind of music you listen to when a) you have to put your dog down or b) you're stuck in a train station in the Deep South and need to seem like a local so they don't commit a hate crime against another Yankee.
  4. A group message with more than 10 people I do not personally know.
    I couldn't care less about any of these people so you can stop telling me to vote for their Undergraduate Student Government campaign, Emily Martin!
  5. A group of people that gets everywhere late.
    Punctuality is too uncommon these days.