GUYS. I went to a haunted house for the first time in forever and this happened:
  1. A guy pinched my nipple.
    I don't know why. It was 50% alarming 50% appreciated.
  2. I walked into a church themed area and the zombie priest yelled "it smells like sodomy."
    I did a John Krasinski stare into the camera.
  3. I lost my voice.
    I'm easily startled! And this haunted house was v. startling.
  4. I got really sweaty.
    Something about the anticipation of being scared makes me nervous. I didn't want to be singled out by a scary person bc what would I do with my hands? It would be awkward.
  5. The people kept yelling "move faster"
    but I wanted my money's worth so yeah, I strolled through that ish.