Some Shitty Things That Have Happened to ME

  1. My ex cheated on me with a girl he met at Whole Foods
    Fuck you & your fresh almond butter Andre.
  2. The power went out while I was in the shower. At night! I was home alone.
  3. My stitches ripped when I was at the library the other day. My leg was covered in blood. It was so embarrassing.
  4. I've gained like 10 pounds in the past month
    I am eating cookies as I type this