To know our gambling problem is to love us.
  1. Wheel of Fortune: A classic
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    I wasn't heading to Vegas until Wednesday but Tuesday at 3 AM I got a picture of a 4000 quarters win from my mom. She was so stoked about her $250. I was worried sick about a text from Mom at 3 AM bc Jewish.
  2. Quick Hits Video, Fever Pitch: For penny machine high rollers
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    Arrive at the Bellagio. After picking up my frequent players card (Tip: Always get one of these at a casino to earn comps and free play), I felt this machine calling to me. My mom has no patience for slots that are $3 a pull but 6 minutes later I won over $300. She let me buy lunch.
  3. Tropical Volcano: For people who sit and chain smoke cigs and order whiskey sours
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    Early on in the second night, I wandered over to a video screen bc I'm a sucker for bells and whistles and bonus rounds where little characters dance around. I managed to play on $40 for over an hour before I lost interest. Note: When the Volcano explodes and you win $23.67 you feel like a gd damn baller.
  4. Quick Hits: Secretly the best one in the joint, Mom's favorite
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    On our last night in Vegas, Mom and I ran out of money at 9 pm. She looked so sad (and my stepdad was asleep) that I "found" more money to play on. She didn't know I actually went back to the ATM. She ended up $250 up before she went home to Baltimore!
  5. Sorcerer's Revenge: This weird one where a lucite box spins around when you hit the bonus round
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    While Mom was going to town on Quick Hits, I gave myself $20 to play my newfound obsession slot machine. When you crack a code, this lucite cube starts doing all sorts of weird stuff, then rotates, then you win more. I hit it big and walked away with over $400. Mom was prouder than on my Bat Mitzvah day I think.
  6. The Bank Breaker: Lucite box, part deux
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    After my $400 win I went to cash out but his machine was giving me WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER VIBES. I made a pit stop and hit for $110 and cashed out for real. $500 in about 2 hours. Not a bad Vegas parting gift.
  7. Fake Wheel of Fortune
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    Throwback to our favorite Maryland casino when my frequent player card got me $70 in free play so I tried the $4 a pull fake wheel of fortune machine, won $742.60, and cashed the fuck out.
  8. Me in 40 years.
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